A Personal Note #mentalhealth, #psychiatry, #psychiatricdiagnoses, #mentalillness, #bipolar, #psychosis
"My optimism rests on my belief in the infinite possibilities of the individual to develop nonviolence."
...In a gentle way you can shake the world."
When I reflect on recent goings-on in my life... Including the campaign of intimidation and psychological abuse inflicted on me and my loved ones, perpetrated in part as abuse under the color of authority... So definitely a cornerstone of my pretext in escaping to forbidding-by-reputation Manhattan - I must settle upon Mohandas Ghandi as my touchstone for today.
I have never had an opportunity to tell a therapist or professional, but once, during some of the worst of it, voices (for those of you unfamiliar with psychosis, imagine Sally Field's SYBIL, Sissy Spacek's CARRIE, or the bitty Cylon voices from CAPRICA's virtual reality world - the voices manifest like that, sometimes...) - voices admonished me kill one of the perpetrators, an actually quite heinous man who lives to this day across the street from my mother. Truth be told, my treatment by the justice system would have been lenient, and adverse social consequences minimal had I rushed him with my ultra-sharp machete and burned down his house.
But I flat-out and finally told the voices, as I looked myself square in the face in the bathroom mirror, no, that I would not take another's life - not if I had a say, even in the face of my reflexive loathing and pique at the man's disgusting and illegal behavior.
Certain parties possessed of the wherewithal to implement in my life their judgement of my choice continue to do so, and in doing so maybe have made my life more difficult and precarious than it would have been in San Quentin, but what happened has happened and could not have happened any other way...
So now some reasons for my not being in Northern California should be abundantly clearer...
(GoFundMe)
...In a gentle way you can shake the world."
When I reflect on recent goings-on in my life... Including the campaign of intimidation and psychological abuse inflicted on me and my loved ones, perpetrated in part as abuse under the color of authority... So definitely a cornerstone of my pretext in escaping to forbidding-by-reputation Manhattan - I must settle upon Mohandas Ghandi as my touchstone for today.
I have never had an opportunity to tell a therapist or professional, but once, during some of the worst of it, voices (for those of you unfamiliar with psychosis, imagine Sally Field's SYBIL, Sissy Spacek's CARRIE, or the bitty Cylon voices from CAPRICA's virtual reality world - the voices manifest like that, sometimes...) - voices admonished me kill one of the perpetrators, an actually quite heinous man who lives to this day across the street from my mother. Truth be told, my treatment by the justice system would have been lenient, and adverse social consequences minimal had I rushed him with my ultra-sharp machete and burned down his house.
But I flat-out and finally told the voices, as I looked myself square in the face in the bathroom mirror, no, that I would not take another's life - not if I had a say, even in the face of my reflexive loathing and pique at the man's disgusting and illegal behavior.
Certain parties possessed of the wherewithal to implement in my life their judgement of my choice continue to do so, and in doing so maybe have made my life more difficult and precarious than it would have been in San Quentin, but what happened has happened and could not have happened any other way...
So now some reasons for my not being in Northern California should be abundantly clearer...
(GoFundMe)
<3
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